Gender Hypotheticals, I found this on a discord I recently joined and plan to go through and give my responses.
We typically approach gender (how we feel and relate) and sex (what genitals and/or chromosomes we have) as if they are fixed and unchangeable. Culturally, we are taught to assume our gender based on our sex; this is called ‘assigned gender at birth’, or AGAB.
For the majority this is true: their gender does match their assignment. For some, this is untrue: their gender does not match their assignment. These hypothetical situations are designed to tease out this subtle difference.
- Imagine you discover a magical button. Pressing it will change you into another sex, painlessly, with everyone else understanding and relating to you as the associated AGAB. The button will break after you press it.
Would you press it?
Yes. I might hesitate for a couple moments wondering if everyone would really understand and then press it and hope for the best. I mean no one has to know that I found a button right? - Rather than the above, imagine you discover a different magical button. This button erases any and all doubts you have about your gender – from now on, you will never doubt your assigned gender again. You will have no memory of finding this button or pressing it.
Would you press it?
Finding out that I might be/likely am a transgender woman made so much about me suddenly make sense I think. So I’d definitely be hesitant to press this. I don’t like being a man (you know my born sex). I think if it caused me to align with being a man–somehow–I would consider pressing it. I mean I’m married and at the moment losing hope as days pass on with regards to transitioning that I think about trying to make this button a reality. It’s hard to convince myself when the light of the other side seems so bright and warm. The experience of having painted nails was so eye opening and euphoric the first time. I’ve lost all means of gender expression. I’ve been pushed into this corner of being a man all my life and there seemed to have been such a great fear from my mom and grandma growing up that I would not align with my gender or that they let me not align. So much so that I wasn’t allowed to grow my hair long when I was growing up. I never knew why I wanted to grow it long just that something resonated with me that made me want long hair. I used to pretend I was a girl as a child. I wouldn’t take on the feminine roles while pretending so I don’t know that anyone could even tell that I was doing that.
Anyway I’ve kinda gotten off track here. I don’t think I could bring myself to press the button overall. Not when there’s hope of getting better. If I happened to press it though and feel like a man–whatever that means. Then maybe? I don’t really want to lose my marriage and pressing this button would probably help me. So I think I would feel helpless enough at some point and press the button. - Imagine you’re in a room with both buttons.
Which, if any, would you press?
I would press the button that changed my gender. - Now imagine you see the buttons, but are instantly stopped by a guard, who says “You are obviously your birth-assigned gender; what are you trying to do?”
How would you feel?
I would feel awful. There’s nothing apparent about my mind or soul so how would you or anyone know what goes on about how I color my own experiences? Unless you’ve been in my mind and heart and soul you wouldn’t know what I am–what I hope and dream–what I want to be. How can you say this is a phase? Why would it have come up repetitively throughout life? When I was 6-8, 12-13, 27ish “but I wouldn’t be good at being a girl”, and a couple years ago and ongoing since 34. Why would I ever wish I would want to be a girl at 6? That sounds ridiculous. What boy wants to be a girl at that age? What boy would spend hours praying to swap. Sure I gave in and gave up I don’t think my personality is exactly one of those that you hear about and are like “oh yeah they are definitely transgender.” I hold things in, I was ashamed of and still am ashamed of this aspect to me (to some extent). Why on earth would a passive person who hates change even be thinking about taking on such a major change? Who would think of taking such extraordinary amounts of energy to dedicate to transitioning when they have no energy? It’s all in my head–yes that’s right it is! It’s my experience. Again you don’t know how experiences in life impact me how my experience is being colored by my mismatch–heck even I don’t know what it is that I’m disconnected from! - Imagine you find a magic machine that lets you design your ideal body, and then changes your body to match this design. You can mix and match or omit and include anything from any body you like.
What features would that body have or deliberately lack?
I would be a girl, so a femininized version of what I already have. I guess if it were up to me less weight. But I think other than that that’s all I want. I do spend a lot of time wondering if I would’ve gained all of this weight if I were a girl. Or if I would have actually cared about myself enough to not do that. - Imagine there’s a test that can conclusively determine your gender.
What gender would you hope for?
Female
Would you try and skew the answers?
Only answers that need to be made more relevant for me. Like if it mentions that I might leave notes I might translate it to send little messages. So overall I think I would just give myself the necessary amount of leeway.
Which way?
Feminine. - For the four parts of this hypothetical, imagine you’re stranded on a deserted island, by yourself, with no hope of rescue.
a. You find an abandoned town and enough supplies to live in comfort. What would you wear? Would you present masculinely? Femininely? Neither? A mix of the two? One way some of the time, another way the rest?
I would wear dresses and skirts, so definitely feminine. They might not look the prettiest but I would find them functionally superior.
b. You later find a lifetime supply of hormones, with perfect instructions for use and dosage.
Would you take them?
I think so yes. I think my mind would benefit tremendously from transition. I would be hesitant because I would like to make sure that everything goes well during transition. What if something went wrong?
c. Later you stumble across the room containing the two buttons from question 3. Which button, if any, would you press?
I’d press the button to change my sex.
d. You also stumble across the machine from question 5. Would you use it? If so, what would you change?
I think I would just change my sex. My weight might be an issue at first but I think on an island maybe it would come in handy and I might lose weight over time? - Imagine you take the perfectly accurate test from question 6, and the results are “Mild gender confusion. Not trans; do not transition.”
How would that make you feel?
It would make me feel pretty sad if not devastated. I would want to know how to rectify it and feel like my gender resonates with me. - Imagine you take the perfectly accurate test from question 6, and the results are “Trans; begin planning transition.”
How would that make you feel?
I would be happy but also nervous and anxious. It would mean I would lose friends and family. And telling them this magical perfect machine said so and I believed it probably wouldn’t be too convincing.
This is an excerpt from a transgender discord – The Orchard (click on this to join!). The main purpose is to help those who are questioning.