What would integrating all aspects of your identity more fully look like? I think the biggest thing for me right now is how much I’d like to be called Hannah and use she/her pronouns. I would love it if people recognized me as a woman. I don’t know that there’s anything in particular I want… Continue reading Prompt about Identity
Blog
A Difficult Split
Hi everyone. This is something that weighs heavy in my heart. I find myself weighing different religious views (under the Christian umbrella) and I’m just uncertain where I land. I grew up in the Missouri Synod Lutheran Church. I believe my views have changed since then. I have trouble not looking back and just moving… Continue reading A Difficult Split
It’s been a while
So it’s been a while since I’ve posted and a lot of things have happened. I don’t know that my situation has changed a whole lot. In some ways I’m back to square one and in others I’m making progress. I’ve been going to therapy and working with a therapist. I’ve struggled through various stages.… Continue reading It’s been a while
Email to mom (4/17) transition
Hey mom, I don’t think I’ll ever be prepared enough to sway your opinion on this. And maybe that shouldn’t be my goal anyway. I already feel defeated because I don’t see any scenario where we arrive at a productive end. But this isn’t chess. This is a relationship. And I know you’re concerned about… Continue reading Email to mom (4/17) transition
I’m still around
So I’m still around. I still consider myself to be a transgender woman. Still struggling with gender dysphoria and want to transition. At the same time I want to not want to transition but I don’t think I’d be myself if I didn’t transition. So it’s complicated. The morality is complicated to me. I’ve since… Continue reading I’m still around
I’m sad
I’m sad today. I’ve been sad lately. Chronically sad. Depressed. But feeling the sadness again. I know I’ve been worrying about death. What if there’s nothing after? Then it’s tragic because I’ll forget myself. Is that as sad to other people as it is to me? Maybe not because of faith. Eternity is equally scary.… Continue reading I’m sad
AI chat Journal Notes
Today wasn’t the first time I’ve explored wanting to express a more feminine side. We talked about names yesterday, and it feels like there’s a part of me waiting to be discovered. I still like Hannah but I’m curious if I can find a first and middle name that match initials “BL.” Finding resources like… Continue reading AI chat Journal Notes
Still around
Hello, I’m still around, still write from time to time. Grandpa passed away recently. A couple years ago while I was going to sleep I feel like I told him that it was ok and he could leave if he wanted to. He stuck around for a bit longer I would’ve expected. He was not… Continue reading Still around
Grandpa
Grandpa was a self made man. He kept his own garden, fixed anything within his means. If he couldn’t figure something out he’d ask other people how to fix things. Once he started working on something, he would often be determined to see it through, steadfast in his resolve to fix or complete his project.… Continue reading Grandpa
Decision Avoidance
Today I feel a bit awful. I wish I could just wake up a woman. I’m not sure I care how it is done just that it’s done. Like I wake up and I have to deal with it. I wish it were clearly something that happened to me rather than something I chose. Why?… Continue reading Decision Avoidance