I’m still around

So I’m still around. I still consider myself to be a transgender woman. Still struggling with gender dysphoria and want to transition. At the same time I want to not want to transition but I don’t think I’d be myself if I didn’t transition.  So it’s complicated. The morality is complicated to me. I’ve since learned that Missouri synod Lutheran Church would certainly be against transition. I also grapple with the idea that I would cause a divorce by transitioning. Additionally I would tear up the family.  So can I live with the guilt of that and the guilt of my mom believing I was morally wrong?  And maybe to some extent I also would carry that guilt?

In theory God is bigger than this and can heal it. Am I not Christian enough if it doesn’t get healed?

Or instead is God calling me to transition.  Transition is my means of healing? 

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