Hello, I’m still around, still write from time to time. Grandpa passed away recently. A couple years ago while I was going to sleep I feel like I told him that it was ok and he could leave if he wanted to. He stuck around for a bit longer I would’ve expected. He was not in good shape and he was asking when he could leave. I asked him where he wanted to go to see if I could understand better. He didn’t respond to it maybe it was too much he would’ve needed to say to really respond. I might’ve also asked what he wanted to do when he got there but I didn’t get a response to that either. It was a bit heart breaking to see him in that state. His level of consciousness would oscillate but he seemed to not be there more than he would be here. He was glad that there were people around him.
I guess I need to share this but before I left I told him I love you. He got really excited–like a kid. He started telling everyone he loved them. It wasn’t the cliche-movie-love you goodbye but more of a little kid I’ve always loved you and will always love you. His eyes just really lit up. There was a part of me that felt like he didn’t know what was going on but it seemed like he was suddenly aware of us. As though we were fading in and out of his experience.
I wrote this for grandpa: