War against Self

Content Warning: Transphobic post.

There’s a war raging on in me. A war against my self. I don’t know which part of “self” is more authentic. Is it the one that I find during introspection–the one that emerges when doing soul seeking? The one that has always put herself last and is sick of it? Or is it the one that has put himself last and needs to continue it, to further it through complete submission?

Is there such a thing as “my will” as it relates to God’s will?

Can our mental faculties be trusted at all? If my feeling is that I’m a woman but I cannot lean on my own understanding then I have nothing to stand on. Is there room for autonomy and conservative Christianity?

Nevermind feeling like a woman. If you call me by my feminine name I feel something resonate within me and it resonates deeply within me. If you refer to me using she/her pronouns it resonates deeply within me. This is the person inside that I lost and now found. But I guess this is not to be trusted.

So the true self is the one God created. I cannot claim that the mental manifestation of a female identity is true because there is nothing physical. Unlike intersex individuals God’s intention to create a man or woman is not ambiguous. Unlike transgender people, intersex people are a mistake–a result of sin in our world. Therefore transgender people are only following sinful desires.

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