Hi everyone. This is something that weighs heavy in my heart. I find myself weighing different religious views (under the Christian umbrella) and I’m just uncertain where I land. I grew up in the Missouri Synod Lutheran Church. I believe my views have changed since then. I have trouble not looking back and just moving on.
I met my wife 10 years ago and we’ve been married for 10 years now. So yeah we knew each other for approximately a total of 6 weeks before getting married. We have 2 daughters, I am a bonus parent for one of them. My wife is a pastor for the Presbyterian Church (USA). The denomination as a whole is accepting for the LGBTQ+ community however each church has its own opportunity to set forth whatever its views are. I haven’t started to transition socially yet (but would like to). At the same time I understand the complexity of my wife’s situation where her job could be at risk and she could be viewed as someone who is kinda harboring a fugitive (sinner?) so to speak. She also doesn’t like the idea of being in a queer relationship. Like that isn’t what she signed up for.
For now I’ve agreed to wait a year to start social transition. But I’m worried that we won’t really be anywhere different in a year. And she just doesn’t want to directly ask me not to transition. She seems ok that I’ve started hormones. I think mostly because the amount of peace that she saw me have. I feel like since then my balance has been upset with my family (mom, grandma) taking this pretty hard. I’m sure this is something I’ll need to mostly resolve on my own but kinda curious what ideas are out there? I do struggle with self-esteem and I’ve found that I try to take up 0 space. So allowing myself some space has been a bit challenging. And I’ve noticed that I’ve been raised to doubt myself. And there’s perfectionism in here too, interesting.
“Transition is inherently a destabilizing process because it is change. It changes the way you see yourself and the way others respond to you, and it changes how you feel. It can be tough to make space for that. Holding onto curiosity is a good way to calm any self judgement. Asking yourself questions and being open to the answers. Asking your spouse questions and being open to the answers. You and you’re relationships are unlikely to be the same as you take this journey, but if you’re already open to the change that comes with transitioning that’s probably a good thing even if it’s a little scary in the process. You’re a very brave person for taking these steps into yourself, and I’m glad you’re in a place you can seek community and connection with others.” -TimeIsTrivial