So I recently got a haircut. My hair is now short. It’s definitely more functional. The long hair was enjoyable. I wish people were ok that I had a woman’s hair cut. I didn’t get too many comments against it but I did get some rather odd looks from people. I can tell some people… Continue reading Hair cut
Category: Lack of Transition
Struggle
I’ve struggled with my identity for a long time. The most intense struggle happened when I was 13-16. Then I struggled to find love. I don’t know that I really established a strong sense of self. There are traits about me that I do like. Anyway I think maybe I just jumped into finding love… Continue reading Struggle
Make sure I don’t look like a Girl
I’ve been struggling a lot lately with feelings of gender dysphoria. In suppressing feminine expression I feel like I have separated me from myself. I think that’s probably an odd thing to say seeing it written out here. I feel like most of my life I’ve spent separated from myself–continually denying myself of a solid… Continue reading Make sure I don’t look like a Girl
“I’m a girl!”
I had an odd dream and there’s a lot about it that I don’t really remember but there was a segment that sticks out. I was at home at mom’s and I was pretty young in the dream maybe 10 or 11 and my friends were there. No one that I recognized specifically. I was… Continue reading “I’m a girl!”
Gender
I’m starting to think of things with gender as though there are different axis (gosh is that the plural? or is it axes? chop chop). I have no idea what they should be but I think there’s identity (how do you relate to yourself on a mental/psychological level? what identity resonates for you?), there’s body… Continue reading Gender
Hello Hannah
So yesterday I played GTA Online with a bunch of my brother’s friends (one of my friends was there as well but pretty sure the distinction isn’t really necessary). One of his friends called me by my dead name and then followed up with “I’m sorry” then from there on out corrected and called me… Continue reading Hello Hannah
Does everything have a problem?
I wish I would write more when things are good. Today I have no energy and don’t want to write at all. I’m not even sure what to write. I’m just deflated and want to go back to bed. Normal life I guess. Emotions: Overwhelmed, Stressed, Ashamed, Guilty, Remorseful, Depressed, Discouraged, Deflated, Hurt, Lonely, Excluded,… Continue reading Does everything have a problem?
Euphoric Haircut
I got a haircut on Saturday was probably one of the most euphoric experiences in my life lol. I told him that I wanted something feminine and that I wanted to grow it out. And he mentioned giving it shape which sounded like what I was looking for. After my haircut another hairdresser complimented my… Continue reading Euphoric Haircut
Confused?
I am too. I wish I could wake up in some other universe where I’ve always been a woman. I know it’s stupid, and maybe not healthy to keep thinking about. Motivations for this thought are probably how unwilling some are to accept transgender women as women. Or how I would have to risk my… Continue reading Confused?
Feeling… despair
Emotions: hurt, confused, rejected, helpless, submissive, insecure, guilty, ashamed, stupid, inferior, lonely, tired, sleepy, apathetic, isolated, insignificant, hesitant, skeptical, withdrawn I feel hurt because I know my wife won’t accept me as a woman. I feel confused because I want to do anything I can to keep her. I feel rejected knowing that what I… Continue reading Feeling… despair